Y ; Thursday, April 13, 2006.
Hey peeps.
Long time no see huh? I surprised myself by coming on too, to post. lol. See how good I am. =)
Hey Chuinz. The sexing-two getting married? Thats a good thing I guess. Not that they were living like they're not married to begin with. Only weird thing is that they're getting married so fast. So you're gonna be the bridesmaid? Hmm, nice gift. =) Works a lot better than ear plugs. lol. Erhem, I suppose you got the cotton as ear plugs idea from yours truly? heheh. You know, you're a penguin, you're not supposed to be afraid of the cold. Sheesh. I wish I was in a cooling climate. I perspire a lot. Especially during netball practices, kinda makes me lose my mood and strength to play. I suppose its just my mind playing tricks on me. Sigh. You were trying to get yourself transfered right? How's that working out?
Chienz, you gotta psyche yourself up okay? For mssd! The last official match we'll ever play again. We gotta win! =)
Sheen, seems like we're just seeing each other once a week in tuition. Somehow, it doesn't feel right but it doesn't feel wrong either. I don't know how to say this but just know that we'll always be here if you need to talk or just to be crazy with.
Hah. Happy. I still have a long long long way to go. Seriously.
Well, I'm applying for ASEAN scholarship. There's going to be a selection test in mid-June for General Ability, English and Mathematics. I think I'll fail. Crap. What a sight it would be. The failure big sister who never even got pass the selection tests while the younger sister rocks Singapore to the max. You know, I think I'm finally starting to get jealous of Poop. She seems so different now. Mom and Dad are doting on her like crazy. Its always Mel, Mel, Mel. I think all they can remember is Mel. I'm starting to resent that word. I remember exclaiming 'Oh shit, again?' in my stupid brain when Mel comes up in the topic. For once, just fuck off. I don't need anymore stupid jealousy or hurt in my life. All my dad is talking about is 'read more newspaper laa. Read so much storybooks for what?' Storybooks are my only escape from reality okay? I need a vacation. Bad.
I'm..still dealing with the pain. Strange thing is, it never seems to lessen. It just seems to get worse day by day. I've been crying myself to sleep a lot lately. The books probably don't help either. They're all damn sad. I read this book, where this little girl's dad leaves her. Her dad was the world to her. Like he was to me. She never recovered. She would get really nice guys but she would attack them with her tongue, putting them down, making them feel degraded, feel that she was too good for them. She would get bored of them and eventually leave them. There's a lot more but I can tell you that it doesn't end well and involved a murder case. I don't want to be like that. I don't. Everytime I look into Chien's, Sheen's eyes, I want to tell them how I feel, I want to cry and bawl like never before. Like how I do, alone, in my room. But I just can't seem to. I want someone to listen. That person who did that was him. I fell for him, because he would just listen to me and joke about it and make me feel better. Then I remembered, he's the cause of all this. You know what, I need a hug really badly. I've even thought of asking one from Kai Li or Chao but I think it would just freak them out. Don't you think? I need a new brain. One thats completely devoid of him.
Pulled into the deepest of hell,
- S t e p h -
P.S. Should I ask Mr. Ho for a testimonial? Its for my scholarship application. He scares the shit outta me. Sigh.