Y ; Monday, February 20, 2006.
Did I make the wrong decision? Here I am, 2 am in the morning. Unable to sleep. All I can think about is him. I've re-read his blog for god knows how many times now. I felt so guilty that I had hurt him so. I feel like such a bitch.
Life is such a bitch.
Love is such a bitch.
Education is even more of a bitch.
And guess what,
I'm the worst bitch ever.
I know that when I make a decision, I can never take it back. I have chosen this path and now I must brave upon it alone. No one can help me. Not even you guys, no matter how much you want to extend a helping hand. I have to go through this alone. Don't worry. I know that you guys will always be there for me when I need someone to talk to.
Talked to mun cheng just now. He seemed distant. He asked me if I missed him. To my complete surprise. I said yes. How dumb can I be? Stephanie Lim, wake up. You can and will never mean a thing to him. Stop doing this to yourself.
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On a completely different matter.
Today was really fun. Its been a long time since we had so much fun together. I can't remember the last time I've seen Chuinz laugh so much. It was nice and it made me forget about my problems for a while. Whenever I think about the fact that you're not gonna be here with us, Chuin, I get all teary-eyed. Call me emotional or whatever. I'm starting to miss you even when you're not even gone. I'm so sorry that I can't make it to the sleepover and to see you off. I AM going to skip school on that day though, so I can wake up extra early and call you on your cell.
Please don't forget about us when you get there. No matter how many new and cool
friends you meet over there, gorgeous and blonde, please remember that there's still 3 crazy girls over here waiting for you. We'll be here waiting to see you when you come home. Hopefully, I can drive by then. And god forbid, get into a lot of accidents. Lastly, I know I've been saying this really often, but I really mean it when I do say it. I love you guys, all three of you.
You guys have been angels in my life, being there when I needed a hug, needed someone to talk to, to laugh with/to, to sing with, to cry with, to horse around with, and *not tested yet* prance around naked with. This proves that whatever that comes into my life, this friendship, I will treasure far more than any other ones I have. Because you guys made me, me. You guys, are my life. I thank you all for being the key persons in my life, regardless of all the indifferences
we've had. I still am so grateful for you people.
Oh shucks, I need to stop. I'm crying pathetically. Why? I don't know. I miss you, Chuinz, Chienz, Sheen.
I hope time passes slowly tomorrow. Last glimpse of you till the year end.
Crying my heart out at 2 am in the morning,
- S t e p h -